Just like everybody else, I have my family drama, toxicity, the happy days and the never-ending worst days. I’m the eldest in the family and have four annoying sisters. Each one has its drama since we’re all females.
So, we’re a broken family of seven. I live with my two other sisters, the other two live somewhere else.
Since I’m the eldest, I was able to look after all of my sisters, though not always. I had my ups and downs, selfish wants and said unnecessary yet hurtful words when I was young. I thought I know everything, and whatever I do is right and just.
Then times have changed there were misfortunes, bad things and unimaginably cruel things happened in our life. We all drifted apart each had a drama on its own. Each one had their selfish deeds, contrasting perspectives till disagreements have started to become the everyday norm. Another problem that we had was I never listened to them, it was a bit challenging for me since I’m the eldest. I always think that they can do what I can do, and understood what I want them to understand.
After a few years, my sister disappeared, we went looking for her, others were trying to find her for some time till they gave up. I’m not sure if it was because they know where she was or maybe didn’t care that much. After all, they know that she’s doing well and will be okay because she an adult. I’ve done some bad things to her, I promised myself that if I find her, I will do my best to make up for it.
But I didn’t stop, I went to the places she worked, tried asking her friends then up until one day she sent me a message. After that day, I promised myself that I will never let her go from my grasp again, that I always need to know where she goes or where she lives.
Then things got a little out of hand. Things were falling out of place, pretty bad choices, messed up decisions and inevitable emotional pitfall.
After a few years, she got married to a man who’s willing to go the distance for her. Someone willing to provide her with anything that money can buy. Then since it involves money, those people who never cared much were starting to notice her. Those who never talked to her and those who thought she’s incapable of doing anything because she’s just a gal who likes to attend beauty pageant and a runaway undergraduate people who never cared much were starting to notice her.
They think, with what she has now, she’s having a blast in life! People say, “well, she has everything! She can do anything with that money! You have done well!” Now she’s done well? Why can’t they say it before? Just for the record, she has always done well. She survived, beaten the odds and challenged the impossible.
When we were young, she was one of the brightest people in her class and one of the prettiest in the school as well she gained fake friends and enemies. Everything was all good, till she got sick and was diagnosed with an illness, that’s when it all changed. She’s a good person others just can’t see it because society only sees what other people want them to see.
People think she’s living the time of her life. But they don’t know the pain, the suffering, the agony, loneliness, indifference, the traumatic memories she’s trying to forget, the hurtful words she’s trying to let go and the heartbreaking judgement from people around her, even from those close to her.
I always believe that one day, I can help her to be genuinely happy. That one morning, I will see the smile I saw on her beautiful face when she said, “Ate tignan mo ginaya ko gupit mo!” (Look, I copied your haircut!) That was the last memory I had of her genuine and happy face.
I never stopped believing that she can do great things despite the limitations that she thinks she has. I know that one day, she will graduate with flying colours, have her own business or do whatever that will make her more happy and that she’ll break the chances of doing what others think is impossible for her.
I will never get tired of saying no to everyone who tries to take advantage of her and will never stop talking to her if I think she’s making irrational decisions (lol, we all do). I will never stop being the “ate” (big sister) to them, scold them when I need to, push them if they need it and believe that they can do the improbable even if I’m the only one who thinks it’s possible.