A friend of ours messaged us one day and had an emotional outburst because people kept on asking him annoying questions. After a few months, I was unaware that I asked him the very same questions he hated the most – “Are you dating someone?”, “Why are you still single?”.
So I’ve stopped asking any questions regarding his relationships. He’s alone but not because he can’t find someone. He’s not dating because he doesn’t want to. He’s just the type that believes in God’s perfect timing.
“I get the same feeling of annoyance you feel when people ask you when you’re going to have a baby.” His words made me think for a moment and realize how asking a silly question can ruin someone’s day.
Finding a partner, getting married, having a baby, starting a family, and career growth are some of the sensitive topics I think shouldn’t be discussed not unless you’re somehow close with people. I even think only our closest family are allowed to ask us that question.
These were merely some of the thoughts I had when I started writing this blog. Whenever I talk to my friend, I can’t help but remember all the people who keep on heckling and asking us, “When are you having a baby?”, “Oh, you’re next!”, “You should have a baby already by this year!” or worst, “Why are you not pregnant yet?”
We recently tied the knot last February 2021. I’m in my early 30’s, so as expected, most of my friends are already married and have children of their own. The pressure of motherhood just keeps getting higher as the days and months go by.
Before we got married, I told my husband the possible names I wanted if we do get pregnant. I was excited to have a baby, to have a mini-me in my arms, to shop for baby clothes and to hear the irritating cry every day at 03:00 AM.
Then after a few months of trying, I found out it wasn’t as easy as ABC.
It hasn’t even been more than six months since we started trying, but I can already feel the pressure, the sadness and the agony of waiting. I had a patient once who was in our ED who was vomiting endlessly.
She told me that we could give her all kinds of medications even if it harmed her baby since “She wasn’t going to keep it.”
I went to the sluice room and saw that her pregnancy test kit had two lines, and it broke my heart. I wanted those two lines. I badly wanted that same test result.
There was even a time that I had a delay in my period, and I was doing the PT test for ten days. It sounds pathetic but I didn’t care anymore because my mindset was, “What if it’s positive?
But then again, it was negative.
Afterwards, I prayed to God to give us the patience to wait. We’re still working on it but not as eager as before. Being pregnant is not a straightforward process. It doesn’t matter how many guides or to do’s you read online – if it’s not for you, then it’s not.
I believe that God has plans for all, and it’s always for the better. People need to stop asking newlyweds or anyone to have a baby. Nobody knows what they’re going through.
Some have been trying for three, five or even ten years and have spent thousands for complex procedures such as In- Vitro Fertilization or IVF. Some have even given up and just decided to adopt or have dogs or cats instead.
Stop asking people to have a baby. Quit bringing up topics that will cause pain to almost-mothers, who suffered miscarriages or complete abortion due to inevitable reasons.
Furthermore, you might be triggering a sensitive topic between couples that might ignite something worse than you getting nosy about her uterus.
And remember, there are others who don’t want kids because they’re happy with their time together exploring the world, and I think that’s what’s important.
As for us, instead of thinking about how to be pregnant, we decided to spend our days experiencing New Zealand. Lately, we’ve been going on hikes and long drives.
I think the main reason why questions like “when will you have a baby?” or “when will you date someone?” frustrates us so much is because we want it to happen, but it’s just not time yet.
We’re being impatient and impatience leads to annoyance. Remember, for couples like us, if people ask you when or why or whatever, you don’t need to explain anything. Just don’t answer or just smile and say, “God has plans.”